What to do if new relationships cause anxiety? 5 effective ways to overcome internal fear

People often complain that new relationships give them a constant feeling of anxiety. Is this normal and when will it end? And what should you do in this situation: listen to yourself and give up the relationship or leave it at that?

The YourTango website writes: 'All you need to know is that this nagging feeling of anxiety has already destroyed many promising relationships. Its appearance is connected with the behavior of the ego, which always resists everything new, trying to protect you from mistakes.'

Psychologists say that this happens not only when you get closer to another person, but also when you do anything that can change your life - start a business, change your eating habits for the better, or intensify any spiritual development program.

So, how do you know if internal anxiety is a real threat or just a fleeting wave of emotions that will subside sooner or later?

Here are 5 tools to help you cope with relationship discomfort and understand your feelings.

'What if' or 'What is'?

One of the most common tools in such situations is to check your thinking pattern. Namely, what pattern you use when trying to analyze a situation: 'What if?' or 'What is?'.

The 'What if' mindset always creates anxiety. It takes your thoughts into the future and puts you in an imaginary place based on fear. The 'As Is' mindset brings you back to the present and allows you to see the situation as it really is.

Anxiety or sabotaging fear?

Most of the time, our fears are unfounded, but how can we be sure?

Define the concepts: 'false alarm' and 'sabotaging fear'. The first is anxiety that wants to tell you something real, based on instincts and internal cues. The second is a 'brain tantrum' for no apparent reason.

If your mind has no real reason to be afraid of the person you are in a relationship with, and you have a high degree of compatibility, then you are most likely being driven by the ego, which rejects everything new.

At the same time, if anxiety is literally overwhelming and it's getting harder for you to distinguish whether it's intuition or just panic, it may be worth taking a look at the situation from the outside.

Ask your friends for advice

If you can't decide whether your anxiety is based on reality or not, take the help of loved ones to properly assess the situation.

No matter what feedback you receive from them, the situation will still become clearer than it was, and the identified patterns will lead you to make an adequate decision.

Highlight everything you like about the person

If internal anxiety continues to plague you, psychologists advise you to make a list of all the positive aspects associated with your chosen one and keep it in a prominent place at hand to see as often as possible.

Next, ask yourself: 'Does this person help you to be yourself or is it the other way around?'

And if the answer is 'yes,' then it's probably a healthy, sustainable relationship that should continue. If, on the other hand, this relationship makes you feel stifled, limited, and out of alignment with who you really are, then it's probably best to end it.

Figure out your core values, remind yourself what your life is really about, and then see if the person you're dating matches what you know about yourself.