Billie Lourd Reflects on Loss and Love: "Griefy but Grateful"

Billie Lourd expressed that she feels "griefy but grateful" as she commemorated the eighth anniversary of her mother, Carrie Fisher's passing. She shared these emotions with an Instagram tribute that featured a nostalgic image of herself and Fisher on Friday, December 27.

Reflecting on her complex emotions regarding the day, Lourd wrote, "It has been 8 years since my mom died. As my son would say 'that’s a lot!' I always dread this day. I spend so much time leading up to it thinking about how awful I’m going to feel." Lourd admitted that her anxiety often proves true, stating, "I woke up this morning with a dark cloud over me. But when my kids woke up, the dark cloud dissipated, making way for bright glowing sunshine." She likened the day to "an emotional tropical storm." Lourd added, "It pours rain a lot of the day, but between the storms, the light is more beautiful than on any day without storm clouds. There are no rainbows without rain."

Using a powerful analogy to articulate her feelings of grief, Lourd referenced a quote from Anne Lamott. She described grief as "like having a broken leg that never heals perfectly – that still hurts when the weather gets cold, but you learn to dance with the limp." She acknowledged, "Yes, the grief weather is cold and yes I may have a limp, but I am absolutely dancing through life. I am actually a better dancer with my limp. My grief has given me a deeper appreciation for all the little moments of life."

Lourd continued with a message of hope, stating, "So today I am griefful (griefy but grateful). I watch the magic that is my son and daughter and know she is a piece of that magic. I feel all the things: the grief, the joy, the longing, the magic, the emptiness, and the fullness. And it all coexists in a profound way. Sending my love to everyone out there who needs it. ❤️"

Since Carrie Fisher's passing in December 2016 due to a heart attack at age 60, Lourd has expanded her family. She welcomed a son, Kingston, 4, and a daughter, Jackson Joanne, 2, with partner Austen Rydell. Just a day after Fisher's death, Fisher's mother, Debbie Reynolds, passed away from a stroke at 84.

Over the years, Lourd has opened up frequently about her loss. Last December, she marked the seventh anniversary of her mother's death, writing, "It has been 7 years since my mom died (but who’s counting?? Me I guess?)." Lourd reflected, "Every anniversary brings a different iteration of my grief." She expressed various emotions associated with grief, including rage, sadness, and confusion.

Billie Lourd noted in December 2021 that understanding grief is never straightforward. "I’m in a different stage of grief in each moment of every day," she shared on Instagram. Lourd described grief as "a multi-course meal with many complicated ingredients." She extended this metaphor, saying, "And that’s how grief should be—it's all things at once. There is no ‘should’ in grief—grief just is whatever it is for you, and that is how it ‘should be.’"

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